What is burnout? Why do we miss the signs? (and what to do about it)
From the last 9 years of practice there is a common theme among people seeking help because they are experiencing burnout, but also now experiencing panic, and that is - They were unaware of the warning signs.
Burnout is a normal response, and makes sense when we identify the causes, but often feeling burnt-out comes as a shock, and causes the person more fear.
“I’ve always been ok with this level of doing or stress, it’s never been a problem before, I am used to it and have always handled it, so why now?!!!!”
It’s this additional fear that causes can causes panic, as fear is the number one cause for anxiety and panic.
People contact me generally not when they first feel burnt-out, but because feeling this way and not feeling able has scared them, & usually is when they have begun to experience panic.
It can be so scary and so confusing at first, but with the right information and tools, a person can exit the fear of panic and anxiety and start the recovery for burnout. It actually is not a long process when you know the steps to take and remove the fear.
So firstly, panic is a response to perceived fear someone believes is happening now, burnout is a response to human needs unmet, and fear combined. I also want to say this is not an opportunity to beat yourself up, it is no ones fault if they feel burnt-out or are now experiencing panic and did not see the signs, there are reasons and they are explained in this article. 🙏
What is burnout?
Burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and often physical exhaustion brought on by prolonged or repeated stress. Though it’s most often caused by problems at work, it can also appear in other areas of life, such as parenting, caretaking, or romantic and family relationships.
What are the signs leading up to burnout?
Tension in the body and no break
Finding it hard to stop or slow down
Holiday is not a holiday it’s a countdown to get back to work - Same for the weekend
Noticing a raised heart rate or adrenaline when finally attempting to stop and slow, feeling wound up
A racing mind noticed especially when going to sleep or taking a break
Exercise feels more like a task than energising
Telling self that there is never time for a break
Saying yes to things, even though you have enough on your plate, if anything already too much
When a person is focused on others things they do genuinely miss the first signs, not because they are trying to, but because they have in their life, higher priorities and are unaware of their human needs until it becomes the mind and body’s job to pick a day for you.
What are the signs of burnout?
Headaches - 1 reason, from all the constant tension, neck and shoulders
Feeling negative or overly critical - 1 reason, it’s getting harder to do this
Unexplained exhaustion - 1 reason, you’ve not had a mental or physical break for a while
Irritable and snappy at others - 1 reason magnesium levels have depleted from stress levels or not enough intake
Becoming physically ill - 1 reason, immune system is highly stressed, all energy going towards survival
Insomnia, change in sleep patterns - 1 reason, problems building up - Cortisol high
Endless anxiety - 1 reason, body now trying to survive feeling this way with no respite and the endless schedule
Feeling inadequate or hopeless - 1 reason, blaming self for not being able to keep these high (too high) standards up
Neglecting self care - 1 reason, priority elsewhere
Feeling numb or apathetic - 1 reason, now exhausted and running on empty
etc.
Often when a person get’s to this place, experiencing these symptoms, this can be the cause for panic. This is when the person has had to come to a forced stop by the mind and body, and this is normal, but the idea that they cannot continue ‘achieving or fixing’ and will have to come to a temporary stop now is so scary they panic, or believe that these symptoms mean they will not be ok now!
Someone feeling this way for these reasons generally seeks assistance to get rid of the panic, the symptoms and anxiety in order to keep going, missing the signs of a human in need and keeping them in a cycle of anxiety and burnout.
What is the priority blinding a person from seeing, feeling the warning signs of burnout or just ignoring them to keep going?
Fear, our thoughts and learnt or automatic behaviours can be generally driven by fear, surviving the perceived fear is your brain and body’s top priority.
Could be fear or failure or:
Of falling behind
Of loosing momentum
Of not being in control
Or others not being ok
Of letting others down
Of past pain catching you up
Of rejection
Of not feeling good enough
Of not trusting others can help, or are able to help or can be trusted in general
etc.
Fear is the reason that we keep saying yes to more doing, fixing and are not even aware that we are in need, or if we are aware, we end up ignoring our needs or saying, they can wait.
What causes us to be driven by fear?
Most of what we learn about the world and how to react to it, comes from the experiences in our lives, the way we perceived the event, what we thought it meant and how we perceived was the best way to survive it, If this was perceived as a negative event for the person. Usually a person who has gotten to the state of burnout has been trying to fight (fix, control) or avoid something.
Examples
A person may be driven To fix ‘the others’
For example, If someone had emotionally unavailable or unstable peers in their environment growing up, they could've perceived and decided unconsciously or consciously, the way to get their needs met & to stay safe is to attempt to fix them. This was the survival mechanism. Hardly works, especially if the others do not want to change & are scared of it. So the person is effectively trying to survive the others reactions and emotions. This keeps someone very busy, they will find eventually that they do not have control here but they are trying.
To fix the environment to feel safe
For example, If someone’s parents were arguing & maybe getting them involved like an in-between messenger, or keeper of secrets. They may have decided the best way to keep the peace in their environment is to take responsibility for the environment, to fix their relationship, to fix the problems that seemingly causes the arguments. Trying to achieve harmony but it's always on the edge. Here they are surviving the unstable, unpredictable environment, without realising the problems they are trying to fix are coming from the people they live with not taking responsibility, or are not equipped to help themselves. This also keeps someone busy because it is not something they can control, but they are trying.
To fix myself to feel safe from blame or shame
For example, If someone had a negative event in their life, maybe a family tragedy, divorce, people leaving, they could have perceived this as something to do with themselves. Taking the blame for their own pain or need being unmet. Pain that is valid but is not being validated. Left to their own perception they may decide that to get the attention that they need, or to feel less guilty, it's best to prove themself. But inside the blame means no mater what they achieve, it won't feel good enough because the root perception still remains. Surviving their own negative perception of themselves. They may try to avoid this perception, this can feel and look like they are running away all the time, really busy, taking it all on to avoid time alone or time with thoughts, can’t keep still or could look like & feel like depression. The perceived problem seemingly not going away, leaving them feeling heavy, lethargic, frozen.
These are just some examples of why an individual can reach the point of exhaustion, not know why, and can still be running themselves to the ground.
What are the outcomes of these survival mechanisms?
We have looked at the signs leading up to and of burnout, these are the main outcomes, but also when someone is in this type of pattern they are also surviving their needs not being met, this means they may not not know what their needs are, let alone how to meet them.
Another downside to this survival mechanism is no one can see them or that they are in need. When someone shows up as the ‘achiever’ ‘doer’ ‘ fixer’, they look very strong & actually, like: if anyone was to ask them what they needed they'll either avoid or feel angry or guilty. This is still surviving. Surviving the real truth, that they've maybe felt alone in this and vulnerable for a long time, & trusting others would feel too scary.
If you are connecting to this
There is some good news, maybe the way you feel is making sense, maybe your perception is starting to shift to your favour.
Plus perceptions and fears can change, you can work through your fears to get out of the cycle of burnout, anxiety and panic and live a more fulfilled life. Do you want to keep just surviving, or could a little thriving be nice too? Hopefully the answer is yes you’d like to feel better and be thriving, but as you read this you may have already noticed thoughts like. “I can’t see how, there is no way I can change anything, I don’t even have time to read this. There is no one I can trust.” These thoughts are normal, but holding you back, there are things you can do.
How to deal with burnout and break the cycle?
Here are the typical steps taken for someone who is has been experiencing burnout, with additional anxiety, panic.
The short answer is to start to try to let go of these ‘things’ on the endless list, and to start meeting your needs but it is not as easy for all of us. Even the suggestion of this will feel scary and for some, out of the question because the thing, the catastrophe you re trying to avoid or fight off with still be a worry for you.
The longer and more sustainable answer is to take it in steps
Co discover with myself or another CBT practitioner/anxiety coach the following:
Treat the symptoms
Learn how to calm the body and slow, even if you want to continue your mission. There’s a new mission, if you do not take time for you, you won’t be able to fix, do achieve anything. Take 2 weeks to implement some simple tools to regulate the nervous system. There is a body section with 6 of the best tools to get started for 1$ here.
Remove fears of anxiety and panic, plus identify the real causes or burnout
To Identify your survival mechanisms and why you are doing this, to get a better understanding of yourself. Identify root causes. There is also a new option to get this information delivered in a self-paced course taking between 1-2 weeks to get the information you need to do this and up to 7 weeks to practice.
Action solutions for future prevention
Learn what do to when you feel afraid, panicked, burnt-out, negative, spurned to act or volunteer, how to manage this and explore new ways to let go of fears and making some small reaction swaps. Plus
How to connect to your needs, find out what they are, so that you can feel more like a human being and seen.
How to set boundaries for yourself and others
How to improve my work-life balance?
Learn self-care practices
etc.
End the negative cycle
Put your skills into practice, staying open to the process and looking for progress
Start a new thriving one
Put some of that wonderful skill and energy into a place of empowerment and fulfilment.
Take care
Emma
Discover a path to a fear less life and well-being by visiting Anxiety Wellbeing, where you can explore practical exercises and resources to help manage and prevent anxiety.
Written by Emma Mcfarland
The anxiety wellbeing coach : anxiety wellbeing